It’s that time of year again when it’s easy to get triggered! Not only do you have the pressures of preparations and purchases, but there’s the whole family and friend get-together thing going on.
Bringing together different egos at different levels of self-awareness isn’t always a recipe for success. Especially when there’s money, alcohol or differing beliefs involved.
Rifts can be heightened and played out publicly. Yet equally, it’s a perfect opportunity to heal those rifts by setting clear boundaries and avoiding acting on your personal triggers.
Learn to say no!
Saying yes to invitations when you really want to say no, leads to feelings of resentment – on both sides. Making commitments that you don’t know if you can uphold, makes you appear and feel, unreliable.
You can actually choose the activities you’re going to engage in. Yes, even if you have family commitments. It’s called family for a reason. That means they’re hard-wired to still love you even if you make decisions that don’t automatically appease them.
If you don’t have a loving family, then the holiday season is an even more appropriate time to practice self care.Tweet
You can show your commitment, take responsibility and show how much you care without over-stretching yourself. Similarly, you don’t need to put pressure on anyone else to over-give, just to prove how committed they are to you!
As in: “Prove how much you love me by giving more than you have to give.” Be balanced in your expression, if you want to encourage balance in another.
Know your core values.
When you know your core values and honour them, you’ll naturally feel more balanced. You will also find it easier to extend more compassion towards others whose values differ from yours.
Setting clear boundaries and actively engaging in self care, lessens the potential for conflict during the holiday season.Tweet
Don’t over-spend just to impress others.
If you’re buying gifts it’s important to be honest about what you can, and can’t afford. If the amount of money you’re spending isn’t the issue, then make sure you’re not just buying gifts as a way to avoid deeper conversations.
For example: “I bought you this gift, now just leave me alone!”
You might be surprised at how often gift-giving is used as a means to avoid uncomfortable conversations.
Being honest and setting healthy boundaries, is a self-loving act, so be willing to share your truth this season without guilt or resentment.
If you share how you feel with the energy of self-acceptance that energy will be felt. If you’re beating yourself up and feeling guilty about what you’re saying, that’s the energy the other person will pick up.
Ignoring what you really need to express might feel good in the moment – you may avoid an argument for example. But burying any important dialogue will come back and bite you in the butt at some other time.
It’s an act of deliberate avoidance. It signals that you feel you don’t have the right to express yourself.
When you know that you’re innately worthy of compassion, then you know that you’re innately worthy of expressing your feelings appropriately. That expression can be done with love, kindness and understanding.
Whoever you’re expressing your opinion to, doesn’t need to feel like they’re being verbally attacked.Tweet
If you are already riled up, it’s fine, if not good protocol, to delay a conversation until you feel more balanced. Just make sure you don’t put off those difficult conversations indefinitely.
Take a breath.
You may want to use any cooling down period, to see what’s really at the root of your triggering. In this way you can bring more clarity and balance to any potentially difficult dialogues.
Remember, this season has the potential to bring out the best and worst in you and others. Know yourself, know your triggers and act accordingly.
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